chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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