She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
