Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i dont even know how to be here
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
