Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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