I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
