Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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