i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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