porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize