I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
