you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
