i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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