guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
