I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
