There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this just has baby written all over it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
