I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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