dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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