So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my shit smells like andre
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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