she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
