highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
