This is not my ceiling
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
