im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
