she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
