I'm lost and stupid without you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
