If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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