so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
