arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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