a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
