...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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