Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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