At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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