I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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