break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
