DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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