I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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