Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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