seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
