handjob tips. give me some.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
