proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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