I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
