i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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