reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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