Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
