i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
