I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
