I just made out with a guy for $7.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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