It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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