he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
