I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
