Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
