this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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