When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
