hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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