dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
