yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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