i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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