I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
