Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
