i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
