Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
