3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
