Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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