I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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