I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
