Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
