5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would fuck him just for his dog
Damn victory sex feels great
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
