You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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