im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
