he puts the penis in happiness.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
